I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
