This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
