Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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