dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize