a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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