cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
