We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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