i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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