Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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