i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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