That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
