ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
