the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
