Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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