Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
