I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
