i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize