Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
