im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
