Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize