I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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