I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
