I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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