On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
