I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
