she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
