Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize