The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
