Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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