every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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