My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize