Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
