I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
