There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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