he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
