Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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