New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
smell my finger.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
