That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
