I heard we made out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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