I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
