So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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