your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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