guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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