Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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