Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
