I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
