He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
