i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize