Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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