On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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