Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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