The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
