i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
