He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
