It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
