Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I checked into jail on foursquare
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
