grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
