you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
