sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there's paper in my vomit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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