I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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