You're so nebulous sometimes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
