Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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