Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
