Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
