How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize