Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
