The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
