***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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