id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize