Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
