The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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