If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
