he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
