We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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