I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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