Jerry, you need to find god
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
